Grief is a natural response to loss. It can happen after the death of someone you love, but grief can also follow a breakup, divorce, job loss, serious illness, disability, financial hardship, or another major life change.
You may have heard that grief happens in five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These stages come from the work of psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross and are commonly known as the Kübler-Ross model.
However, grief is not a checklist. You do not necessarily experience every stage, and you may not experience them in a particular order. You can move back and forth between emotions or experience several of them at once. Cleveland Clinic and the NHS both emphasize that grief does not necessarily follow a predictable sequence.
Understanding the stages can still provide a useful way to recognize common emotional responses to loss.
What Are the Stages of Grief?
The five stages of grief are:
- Denial
- Anger
- Bargaining
- Depression
- Acceptance
The model was introduced by Swiss-American psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her 1969 book On Death and Dying. Her original work focused primarily on people facing their own terminal illness rather than people grieving after someone else’s death. The five-stage model was later widely applied to bereavement and other forms of loss.
The model remains one of the best-known ways to talk about grief, but modern understanding recognizes that individual grief experiences are much more varied.
The 5 Stages of Grief
1. Denial
Denial can occur when the reality of a loss feels too overwhelming to process.
After receiving devastating news, a person may feel shocked, numb, confused, or unable to believe what has happened. Thoughts such as “This can’t be happening” or “This isn’t real” can occur.
Denial does not necessarily mean that someone literally believes the loss did not happen. It can reflect difficulty emotionally processing a painful new reality.
For example, after the death of a loved one, someone might continue expecting to receive a phone call from that person or find it difficult to accept that everyday life has permanently changed.
The NHS describes shock, disbelief, panic, and confusion as possible experiences associated with this part of grief.
2. Anger
As the reality of a loss becomes more difficult to avoid, anger may emerge.
You might feel angry at yourself, another person, a doctor, a situation, a higher power, or even the person who died. Sometimes there may be no obvious target for the anger.
Questions such as these may appear:
- Why did this happen?
- Why wasn’t more done?
- Why me?
- Why didn’t I notice something earlier?
- Why did this have to happen now?
Anger can also appear as irritability, frustration, resentment, or difficulty controlling emotions.
Feeling angry does not mean that you are grieving incorrectly. Anger is one possible emotional response to loss, and it may come and go throughout the grieving process.
3. Bargaining
Bargaining often involves “what if” or “if only” thoughts.
A grieving person may mentally replay events and imagine different outcomes:
- “If only I had acted sooner.”
- “What if I had made a different decision?”
- “If I could just have one more conversation…”
- “What could I have done differently?”
Bargaining can involve regret, guilt, or attempts to imagine ways the loss could have been prevented.
These thoughts can be particularly painful because they create the feeling that a different decision might have changed the outcome, even when the person could not realistically have controlled what happened.
4. Depression
Depression in the Kübler-Ross model refers to the deep sadness and emotional weight that can accompany awareness of the loss.
You may feel exhausted, lonely, hopeless, withdrawn, or overwhelmed. Your usual activities may seem less meaningful, and you may have difficulty concentrating or maintaining normal routines.
Grief can also affect the body. Changes in sleep, appetite, energy, and physical comfort can occur during bereavement.
It is important, however, to distinguish grief from clinical depression. They can overlap, but they are not automatically the same thing.
If sadness or other symptoms become severe, persist, or significantly interfere with daily functioning, talking with a qualified mental health professional can help determine what kind of support you need.
5. Acceptance
Acceptance does not mean that you are happy about the loss or that you have forgotten the person or situation.
Instead, acceptance can mean recognizing that the loss has happened and beginning to understand how to live with the new reality.
You may still experience sadness, memories, or difficult days. At the same time, you may gradually regain interest in everyday activities and begin thinking about the future.
Cleveland Clinic describes acceptance as learning to live with the loss while allowing sadness and positive experiences to exist alongside one another.
Acceptance is therefore not necessarily the end of grief. It can be part of adapting to life after a significant loss.
Do the Stages of Grief Happen in Order?
No.
This is one of the most important things to understand about the stages of grief.
The five stages should not be treated as a universal timetable. You might experience anger before denial, return to feelings of denial after experiencing acceptance, or experience several emotions at the same time.
You may also skip some stages entirely.
The NHS states that people may not experience all of the stages, that the stages may not occur in a particular order, and that people may not move smoothly from one stage to another.
Think of the five stages as a vocabulary for describing possible grief reactions rather than a map that tells you exactly where you should be.
Are There 5 or 7 Stages of Grief?
The five-stage model is the most commonly recognized version, but you may also see lists describing seven stages of grief.
Some expanded models add experiences such as:
- Shock
- Disorganization
- Guilt
- Processing
- Reconstruction
The exact seven-stage list can vary depending on the source.
The important point is that these models are attempts to describe common experiences. They do not mean that every grieving person will experience the same emotions in the same sequence.
Healthline and Cleveland Clinic both note that expanded versions exist, while emphasizing that individual grief does not necessarily follow a fixed pattern.
Is the Five-Stage Grief Model Scientifically Proven?
The Kübler-Ross model has had a major influence on how people talk about death and grief, but it should not be interpreted as a scientifically established sequence that everyone follows.
Research examining the model has questioned whether it should be used as a definitive theory of grief. A review of textbooks from multiple countries found that the model continues to be widely used but has also been criticized and debated within professional and academic literature.
This does not make the five stages useless.
They can help people put words to emotions they may recognize after a loss. The problem occurs when the model is treated as a strict progression.
There is no requirement to “complete” one stage before moving to another.
How Long Does Grief Last?
There is no universal timeline for grief.
Some people begin to feel more functional after weeks or months, while others continue experiencing waves of grief much longer. Important dates, memories, anniversaries, places, songs, and unexpected reminders can bring difficult emotions back even after someone has been feeling better.
This does not necessarily mean that the person is starting over.
Grief can change over time rather than simply disappearing.
The NHS notes that powerful feelings can appear unexpectedly and may not be present all the time.
Instead of asking whether you should be “over it” by a particular date, it can be more useful to consider whether you are gradually finding ways to function, connect with others, and adapt to life after the loss.
What Can Cause Grief?
Grief is most commonly associated with death, but many different losses can produce grief.
Examples include:
- Death of a family member or friend
- Death of a pet
- Divorce or breakup
- Loss of a job
- Financial hardship
- Serious illness
- Disability or changes in health
- Loss of independence
- Moving away from home
- Loss of an important relationship
- Loss of a future you expected to have
WebMD notes that people can experience grief after losing a person, relationship, job, financial stability, health, or an important goal or dream.
The intensity of grief can depend on the type of loss, your relationship to what was lost, your previous experiences, your support system, and many other personal and cultural factors.
Grief vs. Depression: What’s the Difference?
Grief and depression can share symptoms, including sadness, low energy, changes in sleep, difficulty concentrating, and withdrawal from others.
But grief is a response to loss and can involve emotions that fluctuate. A person may experience intense sadness one moment and find moments of connection, comfort, or even joy at another time.
Clinical depression is a mental health condition that can require professional assessment and treatment.
If you are unsure whether what you are experiencing is grief, depression, or both, a mental health professional can help assess your symptoms.
You should seek urgent help if you are thinking about suicide, harming yourself, or feel unable to stay safe.
What Is Prolonged Grief Disorder?
Most people experience significant emotional pain after a major loss, but some people develop persistent and impairing grief symptoms.
Prolonged grief disorder (PGD) is a recognized mental health diagnosis included in the DSM-5-TR, published by the American Psychiatric Association.
The condition involves severe and persistent grief reactions following the death of someone close. Symptoms can include intense yearning or longing for the deceased and persistent preoccupation with thoughts or memories of the person.
According to the American Psychiatric Association’s DSM-5-TR criteria update, prolonged grief disorder is distinguished from normal grief when severe grief reactions persist for at least 12 months in adults, cause clinically significant distress or impairment, and exceed relevant cultural, social, or religious expectations.
If grief is making it extremely difficult to function or continues to cause severe distress, consider speaking with a qualified healthcare or mental health professional.
How to Cope With Grief
There is no single correct way to grieve, but several approaches may make the process more manageable.
Allow Yourself to Feel
Trying to suppress every painful emotion can make grief harder to process. Give yourself permission to feel sadness, anger, confusion, guilt, or other emotions without judging yourself for having them.
Stay Connected
Grief can make you want to isolate yourself. Staying connected with trusted family members, friends, support groups, or a counselor can provide emotional support and reduce isolation.
Maintain Basic Routines
Eating regularly, getting enough rest, staying physically active when possible, and maintaining simple daily routines can provide structure during an unstable period.
Talk About the Loss
Talking about the person or situation you lost can help you process what happened. You do not have to talk about it constantly, but having someone who can listen without judging you can be valuable.
Consider Professional Support
A therapist or other qualified mental health professional can help when grief feels overwhelming or begins interfering significantly with daily life.
The American Psychiatric Association notes that psychotherapy and support groups can be useful for people experiencing prolonged grief disorder and related difficulties.
When Should You Get Help for Grief?
Consider professional support if:
- You feel unable to cope with everyday responsibilities.
- Your grief is causing severe or persistent distress.
- You have become extremely isolated.
- You are struggling significantly with sleep, eating, or daily functioning.
- You are experiencing symptoms of depression.
- You are using alcohol or drugs to cope with the loss.
- You have thoughts of suicide or self-harm.
- You feel that grief is not becoming more manageable over time.
You do not have to wait until grief becomes severe before asking for help.
Seeking support is not a sign that you are weak or that you are grieving incorrectly.
Frequently Asked Questions About the Stages of Grief
What are the 5 stages of grief?
The five stages commonly associated with the Kübler-Ross model are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
What is the hardest stage of grief?
There is no single hardest stage. Grief is highly individual, and different people may struggle with different emotions. Some people experience intense anger, while others struggle more with sadness, guilt, disbelief, or loneliness.
Can you skip a stage of grief?
Yes. You do not have to experience every stage. You may skip some stages, experience them in a different order, or move between them repeatedly.
Can you experience two stages of grief at the same time?
Yes. Grief is not necessarily sequential. You can experience sadness, anger, disbelief, guilt, and acceptance at the same time.
How long do the stages of grief last?
There is no fixed amount of time for each stage. Some emotions may last briefly, while others may return months or even years later.
Are the five stages of grief always in order?
No. The five stages are not a universal sequence. People can move between emotions, skip stages, or experience several emotional responses simultaneously.
Is grief only caused by death?
No. Grief can follow many forms of loss, including divorce, relationship changes, job loss, financial difficulties, illness, disability, and other major life changes.
What is the difference between grief and bereavement?
Bereavement generally refers to the state or experience of losing someone through death, while grief describes the emotional and psychological response to loss. Mourning often refers to the outward or cultural expression of grief.
Final Thoughts
The stages of grief can provide a useful framework for understanding some of the emotions people experience after loss. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance are familiar terms because the Kübler-Ross model has influenced discussions of grief for decades.
But grief is not a straight road.
You may move between emotions, experience several at once, skip stages, or discover that your experience looks completely different from someone else’s. There is no universal schedule for grieving and no requirement to reach acceptance by a particular date.
If your grief becomes overwhelming or significantly interferes with your ability to function, professional support can help. Most importantly, give yourself permission to grieve in a way that reflects your own loss, circumstances, relationships, and needs.
